Test session

My Lightsheer mini-zapping at Bodilight, Milton Keynes (place has had good recommendations on Tg Forums) passed off without incident, although the hairs actually being zapped puts me in mind of foul smelling popcorn.
I had three test patches at low, medium and high zapping (but didn't ask what these were in numerical terms) all under my chin. No rash or any reaction to any.
I thought this would augur well for my first full session- but I met someone yesterday who said she’d had no reaction to the test patch, but it was a different matter when the whole beard area was treated. Oh well...

Laser

Well i’ve booked a consultation session on laser hair removal (including a test patch removal) for Saturday afternoon. For some reason this seems a big deal to me (more than going out for the first time or going into London pubs on my own) and I actually have butterflies in my stomach. I suppose this is because, firstly, although it is only a test patch and is only hair removal, it marks the start of the long term/permanent physical changes to come and, secondly, it means outing myself whilst in in male mode for the first time, because i’m not going to fib as to why I want the treatment.

Inspirational Friends

I’ve met a great bunch of girls over the past six months. However, because of how they are meeting head on what they need to do in theiir lives in order to be more in line with their true identities, a small and select number have given me real inspiration to follow in their footsteps. Because of this I sincerely hope you don’t mind me mentioning you here. K is my best friend, and in many ways my mentor- and I have seen at first hand the sacrifices she has made but also her commitment (in sheer force of energy and in going through the pain barrier in tattoo removal and electrolysis!) to becoming the real her; J who has transitioned and in a job with a very public face; R who has also transitioned and who, despite being a lovely individual, has struggled to find acceptance in her community and has had to move away; S who is a bundle of energy and moving forward with gusto despite her sad loss; and finally, A for how she was able to grasp the nettle and come out. I feel honoured to know you all.

Size Matters

I do struggle with womens clothing sizes. As someone who is short in male mode and thus finds it difficult to get clothes in small sizes (not that I really buy many male clothes these days), I naively thought it was going to be easier to find womens clothes that fit. For a start a 14 in one shop is not the same as a 14 in another, and even in the same shop they vary between ranges. I regard my top half as being a 14 (although this does fit sometimes rather too snugly over my boobs) but sometimes it has been as low as a 10 and up to a 16.
My bottom half is a 10, but I find it amazing that as someone who is 5”6’finds so many women’s trouser lengths to be too long! I quite like having to buy from ‘petite’ ranges, as it sounds nice and feminine, but I hardly consider myself a petite female. I do wonder how those in the sisterhood far shorter than me can find anything to fit!

A Birmingham Saturday

Having not been out (as Sarah) the previous weekend and with nothing pencilled in for the next two, I came to the conclusion on Friday that that was far too long a gap (in fact the largest gap since I started by a country mile). So I found a cheap deal on a hotel in Birmingham. Saturday afternoon shopping (although in male mode, and I now so regret not buying a little black dress in Warehouse!), and then out in the village in the evening.
Anyway to get to the crux of this post- Up to now when i’ve left hotels on my own, it has been with trepidation and nervousness and the feeling that the whole world knows what you’re doing and is looking at you. Not this time. I was out of the hotel and walking down the street with a mix of (a) relief that I was once again presenting as female and (b) contentment at how good I felt because I was. To me this is progress, although one day going out as me will simply be second nature and not worthy of a moments thought- I can’t wait!

First Six Months...The Next Six Months

My first night out as Sarah was in early March of this year and since then i’ve had an eye-opening but also enjoyable time discovering myself and meeting new people, a number of which have become very good friends. You all know who you are, but my best friend Kate particularly deserves a mention here.
It has all made me eager to progress, but i’m determined to not get ahead of myself, although I know I will need to push myself and push boundaries if i’m to reach my ultimate goal.
If the last six months was about becoming visible and making friends and finding out what I need to do next, the next six months are about actually starting to put these into effect. The top three things are: start laser treatment on my beard shadow, going on a diet (to start to go from 11 stone to less than 10) and, the biggie, starting on hormones. I’ll keep you informed of progress!

Introduction

I’ve always wanted to but not thought i’d actually be taking this step (and I don’t mean writing a blog!). Anyway a new life now awaits me. I thought therefore that setting up a blog would be helpful in enabling me to put my jottings down on my journey to womanhood (the good, the bad and the in-between), firstly to enable me later on to be able to look back on how far i’ve progressed; and, secondly, just possibly to help and inform others who are thinking of embarking, or have also embarked, on this gender journey.
It is still a mystery as to why I suddenly felt I had to transition. I’ve spend my life since I was a teenager carrying on (through gritted teeth) in a gender role that didn’t suit me, having deciding that the trauma of changing over was just going to be too great. What was I felt the least worst option. And then bang, beginning of 2009, all previous bets were off. I wonder was it the realisation dawning on me that you only have one life and therefore its best living it as you feel you were meant to live it?
Anyway I now firmly feel that changing over, albeit difficult, will be manageable, whilst staying as I am is becomingly increasingly an ordeal. In other words- there is no alternative.
What i’m about to do I’m finding to be both liberating and frightening; i’m also so looking forward to the changes to come, but so nervous about it all. Ultimately, however, I think the only regrets I will have is that I didn’t do it all earlier!