Tights for Autumn

This post is an excuse to brighten up the blog with some pics!

Once upon a time, or for well over fifteen years anyway, black opaque tights have been the wardrobe essential, and as a woman would have featured extremely strongly in my everyday wear. In fact I was so envious of women who were able to have them as their staple item of clothing. Yet now that I am putting together my autumnal seasonal wardrobe, I am not just looking to wear black opaques but am tentatively exploring different colours and even textures. I aim- wishful thinking?- for a more 'continental european' style in my dress and therefore this does not neccessarily lead to black opaques. I've tried bright purple (as per above), which is not bad for clubbing, but for more everyday wear (not much at the mo at this stage in my journey!) then I find charcoal, dark grey or muted purple, seems to work well for me (also patterned, ribbed or woolly tights in these colours), particularly with flat boots. I suppose this isn't improving the overall colourfulness of my wardrobe (see previous post)!

Autumn is Coming

Autumn and winter is coming and the autumn fashions for women are now in the shops, but what is even better is that this year I will be buying them to wear. I’ve always thought winter fashions were more ‘me’ than summer ones, so i’m getting quite excited and animated about sorting out my winter wardrobe.
I feel compelled to buy a pair of flat high leg chocolate brown boots. I know they won’t be cheap but a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do and I must have them! The plan is to wear with skinny jeans or black tights and an over the knee skirt. I think I will strart my hunt on Saturday, but as matters stand I think it is looking like the above pair from Dune (concession in HoF Birmingham) at £120 meets most of my requirements!

In relation to winter clothing, I think it is probably easier to pass in the winter months (as long as I don’t do too trendy and thus bring attention onto myself). Combined with the laser treatment, this should give me the confidence to go out during the day ( which has been limited to a couple of short soirees in London up to now).
Indeed I think it is becoming increasingly important to my well-being that I do present more as Sarah. My best friend Kate is now in a position where even in male mode she is now androgynous, and can to a large extent therefore be her natural self even in male mode (thus lessening her gender dysphoria). For now I have still to keep the male and female sides of me separate, but i'm feeling an increasing sense of loss when I cannot present as female and thus I need to start to shift the balance in time spent in m and f roles.

Test session

My Lightsheer mini-zapping at Bodilight, Milton Keynes (place has had good recommendations on Tg Forums) passed off without incident, although the hairs actually being zapped puts me in mind of foul smelling popcorn.
I had three test patches at low, medium and high zapping (but didn't ask what these were in numerical terms) all under my chin. No rash or any reaction to any.
I thought this would augur well for my first full session- but I met someone yesterday who said she’d had no reaction to the test patch, but it was a different matter when the whole beard area was treated. Oh well...

Laser

Well i’ve booked a consultation session on laser hair removal (including a test patch removal) for Saturday afternoon. For some reason this seems a big deal to me (more than going out for the first time or going into London pubs on my own) and I actually have butterflies in my stomach. I suppose this is because, firstly, although it is only a test patch and is only hair removal, it marks the start of the long term/permanent physical changes to come and, secondly, it means outing myself whilst in in male mode for the first time, because i’m not going to fib as to why I want the treatment.

Inspirational Friends

I’ve met a great bunch of girls over the past six months. However, because of how they are meeting head on what they need to do in theiir lives in order to be more in line with their true identities, a small and select number have given me real inspiration to follow in their footsteps. Because of this I sincerely hope you don’t mind me mentioning you here. K is my best friend, and in many ways my mentor- and I have seen at first hand the sacrifices she has made but also her commitment (in sheer force of energy and in going through the pain barrier in tattoo removal and electrolysis!) to becoming the real her; J who has transitioned and in a job with a very public face; R who has also transitioned and who, despite being a lovely individual, has struggled to find acceptance in her community and has had to move away; S who is a bundle of energy and moving forward with gusto despite her sad loss; and finally, A for how she was able to grasp the nettle and come out. I feel honoured to know you all.

Size Matters

I do struggle with womens clothing sizes. As someone who is short in male mode and thus finds it difficult to get clothes in small sizes (not that I really buy many male clothes these days), I naively thought it was going to be easier to find womens clothes that fit. For a start a 14 in one shop is not the same as a 14 in another, and even in the same shop they vary between ranges. I regard my top half as being a 14 (although this does fit sometimes rather too snugly over my boobs) but sometimes it has been as low as a 10 and up to a 16.
My bottom half is a 10, but I find it amazing that as someone who is 5”6’finds so many women’s trouser lengths to be too long! I quite like having to buy from ‘petite’ ranges, as it sounds nice and feminine, but I hardly consider myself a petite female. I do wonder how those in the sisterhood far shorter than me can find anything to fit!

A Birmingham Saturday

Having not been out (as Sarah) the previous weekend and with nothing pencilled in for the next two, I came to the conclusion on Friday that that was far too long a gap (in fact the largest gap since I started by a country mile). So I found a cheap deal on a hotel in Birmingham. Saturday afternoon shopping (although in male mode, and I now so regret not buying a little black dress in Warehouse!), and then out in the village in the evening.
Anyway to get to the crux of this post- Up to now when i’ve left hotels on my own, it has been with trepidation and nervousness and the feeling that the whole world knows what you’re doing and is looking at you. Not this time. I was out of the hotel and walking down the street with a mix of (a) relief that I was once again presenting as female and (b) contentment at how good I felt because I was. To me this is progress, although one day going out as me will simply be second nature and not worthy of a moments thought- I can’t wait!