10% night

I’ve worked out that well over three quarters of my nights out are now as me; in fact probably 90%. Friday night was one of the 10% nights. It was a leaving do for someone from a different section; it was a good group of us and with more females than males. However as the night wore on I found myself very much less than comfortable in my allotted role for that night- not least I couldn’t act as I wanted to with the girls and who nevertheless see me as a bloke and treat me accordingly. I went home before everyone decamped to a club- definitely deflated because the trans thing had got to me, but also in a bizarre way I found it strangely re-assuring that I am finding it ever harder to do the bloke thing these days.

The sound of the crowd

I spent a couple of hours early on Saturday night in the Candy Bar in Soho. As a lesbian bar with apparently a rather strict door policy I was unsure of the welcome I would receive. However I found it a welcoming place with high quality bar staff. When I arrived it was rather empty but by the time I left it was packed. What struck me, when I was listening to the crescendo of animated female voices throughout the bar, was that I had never been in a totally female dominated bar before, and as bars are either mixed or male dominated, how out of the ordinary it sounded to me. Pity far more bars aren't like this!

Here's to 2010

Is it obligatory to do a 'review' post on New years Eve? As I don't like it when my newspaper does endless reviews of the year (and also this year, the decade as well) I think I will largely refrain!
I will just say its been exactly a year since I decided I had to open the pandora's box that is my transgenderism and its been positive so far (and quite a lot of fun), and am moving forward at a pace I can handle. The hard parts are still to come. If I progress at the pace of this year, then I will be in for an interesting 2010. Here's to a happy new year to all!

Bletchley

I walked around Bletchley on Saturday afternoon and went into the shops. Bletchley is about as far removed from Brighton as it is possible to get (even though Pink Punters is nearby). No-one took any notice of me there either!

Brighton

Despite the wind and rain, I had a pleasant weekend in Brighton. It was the first time i'd been there for over two decades. The Friday night was with friends and on Saturday I had time alone. During the day I wandered around the city centre and the seafront and went to a number of bars from late afternoon (after the weather took a turn for the even worse). Walking around no-one took any notice of me and I just seemed to blend in, which was nice. I did wonder though whether that was because it was Brighton, and that I could have dressed as a giant vegetable and no-one would have batted an eyelid!

Tights for Autumn

This post is an excuse to brighten up the blog with some pics!

Once upon a time, or for well over fifteen years anyway, black opaque tights have been the wardrobe essential, and as a woman would have featured extremely strongly in my everyday wear. In fact I was so envious of women who were able to have them as their staple item of clothing. Yet now that I am putting together my autumnal seasonal wardrobe, I am not just looking to wear black opaques but am tentatively exploring different colours and even textures. I aim- wishful thinking?- for a more 'continental european' style in my dress and therefore this does not neccessarily lead to black opaques. I've tried bright purple (as per above), which is not bad for clubbing, but for more everyday wear (not much at the mo at this stage in my journey!) then I find charcoal, dark grey or muted purple, seems to work well for me (also patterned, ribbed or woolly tights in these colours), particularly with flat boots. I suppose this isn't improving the overall colourfulness of my wardrobe (see previous post)!

Autumn is Coming

Autumn and winter is coming and the autumn fashions for women are now in the shops, but what is even better is that this year I will be buying them to wear. I’ve always thought winter fashions were more ‘me’ than summer ones, so i’m getting quite excited and animated about sorting out my winter wardrobe.
I feel compelled to buy a pair of flat high leg chocolate brown boots. I know they won’t be cheap but a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do and I must have them! The plan is to wear with skinny jeans or black tights and an over the knee skirt. I think I will strart my hunt on Saturday, but as matters stand I think it is looking like the above pair from Dune (concession in HoF Birmingham) at £120 meets most of my requirements!

In relation to winter clothing, I think it is probably easier to pass in the winter months (as long as I don’t do too trendy and thus bring attention onto myself). Combined with the laser treatment, this should give me the confidence to go out during the day ( which has been limited to a couple of short soirees in London up to now).
Indeed I think it is becoming increasingly important to my well-being that I do present more as Sarah. My best friend Kate is now in a position where even in male mode she is now androgynous, and can to a large extent therefore be her natural self even in male mode (thus lessening her gender dysphoria). For now I have still to keep the male and female sides of me separate, but i'm feeling an increasing sense of loss when I cannot present as female and thus I need to start to shift the balance in time spent in m and f roles.